Is Damian Moore Backing Bojo?

13th June 2019
Is Damian Moore Backing Bojo?

As 0.025 per cent of the population (the ageing Tory Party membership) prepares to choose our next Prime Minister, the people of Southport are wondering how our MP is going to vote. As a ‘marginal’ Brexiteer who tacked towards the ‘No Deal’ ERG, Damien’s politics seem very like those of our former Foreign Secretary.Perhaps without the lying and philandering. So, will he be supporting the man to head up Brexit negotiations who single-handedly managed to insult practically a third of the world’s countries, including all of the great powers. Here are some of Boris’ top insults in all their glory.

1. Russia – on Vladimir Putin

“Despite looking a bit like Dobby the House Elf, he is a ruthless and manipulative tyrant.”

2. Germany

Boris Johnson said that EU was an attempt to recreate Hitler’s and Napoleon’s aims of unifying Europe “by different methods.”

3. France

Boris Johnson implied his superiority over the Mayor of Bordeaux, a city of 239,517 people at the time:

“I got the ball back very firmly over the net, folks, because I said there were 250,000 French men and women in London and therefore I was the mayor of the sixth biggest French city on earth.”

4. Turkey

Part-Turkish Boris won a prize for a poem involving a man from Ankara and sex with goats:

There was a young fellow from Ankara, Who was a terrific wankerer. “Till he sowed his wild oats, With the help of a goat, But he didn’t even stop to thankera.”

5. Syria

Boris voiced his strident opinion supporting the dictator Assad’s success with reclaiming Palmyra:

“Hooray, I say. Bravo – and keep going. Yes, I know. Assad is a monster, a dictator. He barrel-bombs his own people. His jails are full of tortured opponents. He and his father ruled for generations by the application of terror and violence – and yet there are at least two reasons why any sane person should feel a sense of satisfaction at what Assad’s troops have accomplished.”

6. China

Boris shared with the world his assumptions about China being a growing world power with zero cultural muscle:

“We do not need to fear the Chinese […] China will not dominate the globe. We do not need to teach babies Mandarin. […] Compared with the old British Empire, and the new American imperium, Chinese cultural influence is virtually nil, and unlikely to increase.”

7. Japan

Boris practically crushed a Japanese child in a game of touch rugby. But he gains a Boris Bonus point for the gentlemanly handshake afterwards.

8. USA

Boris has written criticallyabout past US president Barack Obama, suggesting he had a grudge against Britain because of his “part-Kenyan” heritage, as well as hitting out at both of the recent presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. So much for The Special Relationship.

And Finally. . . . 9. The Commonwealth

Boris Johnson pulled the ultimate combo party trick by insulting Antigua and Barbuda, Australia, The Bahamas, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belize, Botswana, Brunei, Darussalam, Cameroon, Canada, Cyprus, Dominica, Fiji, Ghana, Grenada, Guyana, India, Jamaica, Kenya, Kiribati, Lesotho, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Malta, Mauritius, Mozambique, Namibia, Nauru, New Zealand, Nigeria, Pakistan, Papua, New Guinea, Rwanda, Saint Lucia, Samoa, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Solomon Islands, South Africa, Sri Lanka, St Kitts and Nevis, St Vincent and The Grenadines, Swaziland, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tuvalu, Uganda, United Republic of Tanzania, Vanuatu and Zambia… all at once:

It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies.”